Prompted by a discussion on the Niven list
about using penis size a means of establishing pecker^H^Hing order among males.
Someone suggested that that was the real reason Scotsmen wore kilts - a fight
could be avoided by simply determining who was the 'bigger' man. Of course,
someone had to follow up with the *real* reason Scotsmen wore kilts
When a Scotsman is engaging in the pastime (1)
Of hacking off another Scotsman's head
He may pause when he remembers that the last time
He just proved himself the bigger man instead
When a sheep can't hear a fastener releasin'
It's got no chance to take off at a trot
Oh, for this and that and any other reason
The kilt is quite a blessing to the Scot.
Ohhhh ... (2)
There's no better way to show 'em what you've got, what you've got;
Yes, the kilt is quite a blessing to the Scot (to the Scot).
Oh the highland lad who hurls the tallest caber (3)
May not be he who bears the longest rod;
And the man who wields the most imposing saber
Might not have much to boast of on his bod.
You might think that manhood lies in strength or daring;
The Scotsman knows full well that's utter rot,
And he'll prove it with the aid of what he's wearing ...
Yes, the kilt is quite a blessing to the Scot.
Oh, the feeling when you're riding bays or sorrels! (3)
Ah, the benefits of bracing highland air!
And there's sure no better way to settle quarrels
Than to simply lift the hem up and compare!
If there's virtues to the kilt that I'm ignorin'
It's because 'twould take all day to list the lot.
And don't even get me started on the sporran ...
Yes, the kilt is quite a blessing to the Scot.
This was, I think, the first song of mine people contributed additional verses to. At least one of them, as you'll note, declined to be held responsible <g>.