Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch
Diff me a diff, write me a batch
Patchmaker, patchmaker, look through your code
And make me a perfect patch
Patchmaker, patchmaker, I've got the files
What can I do? Nothing compiles!
Write me the fix for I'm waiting to see
The features in version three
For Windows, write an installer
For Unix, have it tarred up and zipped
For Macs - well, no one would holler
If it came complete with an update script
Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch
Diff me a diff, write me a batch
Night after night I've been tearing my hair
So write me a patch you can share
Listen! I've got it! Will this be a big success!
It's factored! It's clean!
All right, the code's a mess
But it's a fine fix, a good patch, yes? Yes
We think it has an error - it might erase your disk
But only when it's working - so there's no risk!
Okay, try this one! The code should be good to go
It's singing! It's fast!
All right, it's rather slow
But it's a fine fix, a good patch, no? No!!
I promise you it's bug-free, and if it breaks again
We'll write another patch - don't ask me when!
Did you think we'd get it right
Now we've reached revision six?
With no QA, no testers, a hole-riddled license
Be glad you've got a fix!
Patchmaker, patchmaker, we've paid the price
Four nines at least! Five would be nice
Last time you said it would work like a charm
It hosed our production farm!
For God's sake, see that it's tested
Remember we depend on that tree
With all that we've got invested
It has to be error-free
Patchmaker, patchmaker, feed me no lines
I know the score - don't pass the buck
Rushing to market, your products all suck
So kludge me no kludge, hack me no hack
Def me no def, try me no catch
Unless it's a perfect patch!